Jumping The Sark

Posted by DontBendDontBreak | Filed under Offensive

Well, it’s official.  Current USC offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian will be the new coach of the Washington Huskies.  USC’s offense will never be the same again.  The Rose Bowl will be the last time to witness play-calling that no mortal man can comprehend.

Sarkisian’s creativity (his brilliance) is in his lack of creativity.  He follows the mantra that the best offense is a good defense.  And since he isn’t in control of the USC defense, he applies this rule the best way he can:  By essentially telling the other team’s offense that he thinks it sucks.

Thus, in third and long situations, he’s content with running the ball up the middle and punting to the other team, as if to say: “I know you can’t move the ball on our defense, so we’ll get another drive or two before we need to bother with scoring.”  This demoralizes the other team so much that, indeed, they are unable to move the ball against the Trojans.  The defensive unit can thank Steve for its strong play more than anyone.  Especially Pete Carroll, who would just as soon go for it on every fourth down and keep his defense off the field.

One can only hope that Joe Morton, the likely successor, has learned much from the master and will have the courage to stand up to Pete when he’s wrong (i.e. every play).

However, we’re not so confident this will be the case.  If we had a better head coach, the lack of top-tier coordinators wouldn’t be so much of a concern.  But given that the univeristy has refused to acknowledge the slow but constant downward spiral of the program, it seems that we might be stuck with Coach Carroll for quite some time.

Therefore, we purpose that he be handcuffed to a top-notch offensive coordinator.  And we have just the man for the job:

Now we’re not arguing that Notre Dame’s offense this year has not been as explosive as some of the other national powers, but no one can expect the Fighting Irish to perform at the same level as Florida or Oklahoma with the players it’s using.

Of course, the last two recruiting classes that Charlie Weiss has brought in have been highly ranked, supposedly full of exceptionally talented athletes.  Which means one of two things.  Either these rankings are inaccurate, or Charlie Weiss is a total failure.

We know the latter to be untrue mostly because Notre Dame has told us so with the contract it gave him and the fact that they have kept him on for another season.  They see what most of us refuse to see.  That the Notre Dame players are just plain bad.

We also know this because of the game that lead to the contract, Notre Dame’s last second loss to the Trojans in 2005 at South Bend.  Weiss simply out-coached Pete Carroll in that game.  He had the Trojans in 4th & 9, posied for an Irish upset victory.

Remember, it was Matt Leinart that changed the disastrous play-call that was sent in from the sidelines.  It was Leinart that had the foresight to fumble out-of-bounds when the elementary passing routes chosen for his receivers left no one open.  And it was Leinart who decided to go for the win at the goal line instead of kicking a tying field goal and letting Carroll lose the game in overtime as he’d done twice already in his career.

Not to mention the fact that the entire loss is tainted by the infamous “Bush Push,” an illegal move that was likely executed under the order of someone betting on the game that paid Bush off.

Of course, out-coaching Carroll is not an arduous task.  It’s happened countless times, but usually his superior players are able to bail him out.  But a dozen different coaches have mentally whipped him so thoroughly that the USC athletes couldn’t make up for it on the field, resulting in losses unjustly affixed to their record when they belong squarely on Pete’s shoulders.

Still, if someone can nearly beat him without having USC’s athletes at their disposal, imagine what they could do with those players.  This is why Charlie Weiss belongs at USC.

The negotiations could be tough, of course, as we’re well aware that there’s a massive buy-out clause in his contract because they knew some team would want to steal him to be their offensive coordinator.  But instead of USC having to pay the 12 million or however much it is, we’ve thought of a much better solution.

For the next six years (more if necessary), all of the USC/Notre Dame games will be played at South Bend.  The money the Fighting Irish would save from plane flights and hotels plus the revenue that game brings in should more than make up the cost.  And USC can avoid losing money by using their other two non-conference spots to schedule only home games.

Should this deal not work out, we have one other solution:  Norm Chow.  After learning that USC’s two previous offensive coordinators were going to be head college football coaches while he’s still stuck at ucla, he had quite a lot to drink while reliving the glory days by watching a DVD of the USC/Oklahoma Orange Bowl.

It shouldn’t be that hard to lure him over with the virtual guarantee that at the end of next season some team will want to hire him as their head coach.  We can only hope it’s USC after finally removing the blight that is Pete Carroll.

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Permalink | December 12th, 2008

4 Responses to “Jumping The Sark”

  1. annoyed with this blog Says:
    December 12th, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    Honestly, this article does several things wrong:
    1. Charlie Weis. not Charlie Weiss. Sure its one small error, but it’s repeated throughout the blog, and therefore reduces credibility of the writer, who either did not know this, or did not care enough to be correct.
    2. do you really think that all of the 5 star talent would just show up to play at USC for any other coach? Did you see where we were during the 90s with other coaches? Do you see where we are now? How many other teams can boast minimum 10-win seasons during “rebuilding years?” That’s what I thought.
    3. That almost blunder of a Notre Dame game can be attributed to the terrible offense produced by none other than Lane Kiffin (may not even last as long at Tennessee as Willingham did at Notre Dame…) and Steve Sarkisian. These guys were supposed to be Chow proteges. Instead, it just seems like we’ve lost our ability to play downfield, compared to 2002-2004 (that’s not just Matt Leinart, as Carson was QB pre 2003).
    4. we have the record for consecutive BCS bowl game appearances. Not Urban Meyer’s Florida. Not Bob Stoops’ Sooners. Not Mack Brown’s Texas. So, would I rather have one of those D-bag coaches? Most definitely not. I’ll stick with the #1 coach and #1 recruiter, Pete Carroll.

  2. DontBendDontBreak Says:
    December 12th, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    1. Thank you for pointing our this error. I appreciate it. I didn’t look it up because I was sure I was correct, but obviously I wasn’t. I had typos and bad spelling as much as anyone.

    2. The 90’s is in the past. We are looking to the future. Right now, 5-star talent is knocking down the doors to come here. It wouldn’t matter who the coach is. Just look at Notre Dame. Talented athletes flock there no matter which great coach is there at the time.

    3. Kiffin and Sarkisian can only call the plays, not run them. I personally feel we have them to thank for the current state of the USC offense.

    4. Only because the PAC-10 has an automatic BCS tie-in. We didn’t even have to earn our BCS spot in a conference championship game like Virginia Tech did.

  3. JD Says:
    December 15th, 2008 at 1:05 am

    Actually, I’m pretty sure Willingham has no where near the recruiting success Weis has had. Coaches play a strong factor for any recruit, as do location, school’s reputation, adademic rankings, etc. It is NOT just players “flocking” to the school. If they do not think the coach can treat them equitably or will not develop them for the NFL, they will not come, regardless of the school.
    Furthermore, Presenting Carroll as the negative agency of change in any given situation is not a strong way to present your argument. Saying that when we succeed only because of the players and that we fail only because of the coach does not take into account any real view of reality.
    Also, having met Sark personally and having played for him for a limited amount of time, I can say that he seems like an intelligent, knowledgeable, focused and determined coach.

  4. tired of losing Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    JD, would you rather blame the players? They’re just unpaid kids. That’s like blaming the little Vietnamese boy when your Nikes fall apart. Blame Nike. Blame Carroll.

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